I recently heard a story from a friend who was pregnant with her daughter 20+ years ago. In her first trimester, she got so tired she was afraid she wasn’t going to be able to drive the hour or two she needed to get home. Thankfully, she did make it home but when her husband arrived, he found her asleep on the stairs of their front porch with a car in the driveway that had been running for three hours.
First Trimester Fatigue… IT’S A THING AND I’M TALKING ABOUT IT.
I have to admit (and tend to joke with my husband) that I have two emotions right now: TIRED and RAGE. So consider yourself warned! For various reasons, there is definitely some cranky pants anger attached to this blog. It has become very clear to me that people are uneducated about first trimester pregnancy. Women go through intense shit early on and because they’re not showing yet, people (husbands, bosses, friends & family, society) don’t believe them and/or make a lot of assumptions.
It has me feeling all…
I had no idea before I got pregnant how freaking draining it is and, ultimately, I am dumbfounded it isn’t discussed more??? Maybe that makes me a whiner? Or maybe this is a societal thing where we like our pregnant women ‘glowing’ and ‘grateful.’ We are supposed to keep quiet and endure female pain on our own. God, don’t we do that enough?
I am soooo grateful to finally be ‘out’ about our pregnancy. It has been a challenge having 26 different symptoms and when you’re at your lowest, needing support, you’re not allowed to ask for it because you’re not allowed to tell people about it.
Now that I can tell people, I’ve been shocked by the lack of empathy and belief from some. There are people I have trusted with the info that I have asked for support and their reactions lead me to believe they think I’m overreacting. Do they think I’m just tired because I’m overweight? (Also, a thing). Am I just milking it? Some women’s husbands think they’re wives are trying to get out of chores or get angry when there’s not a meal on the table. This also goes hand and hand with emotions. Does what I’m saying hold no truth because it’s coming from heightened emotions? It’s maddening (especially when you have more than one job and a million different activities on your plate) to be considered lazy or emotionally crazy or… or.. or… UGH.
Pre-pregnancy, when I thought of someone being pregnant, I only thought of two things: morning sickness and crazy ice cream & pickle cravings. I assumed women got really tired in their last trimester (which they do), being entirely ginormous, carrying a ton of extra weight on swollen ankles. In my clueless assumptions, I thought the first trimester was supposed to be a breeze! “You can still exercise and have sex!” Knowing what I know now, feeling the way I do, to brush fatigue under the rug just feels like another impossible standard for women to maintain and a societal construct that we’re supposed to endure.
Every woman is different for sure, but for me, I can only compare this fatigue to my trip to India– spending ten days in the chaos of an awesome country with little sleep, and then taking a sleepless 20 hour flight home. I wake up that tired every other day. The rest of the time I don’t wake up India-tired, I feel ‘food sick’ tired. Where you’re finally over your bug but are still really weak. There are days where I don’t want to do the littlest things like email my parents or call someone back because all I have energy for is melting into the couch. Like when you’re drunk and laying down anywhere will do. This is not typical. I have to-do lists for my to-do lists. And don’t get me started on nausea…
In all of my 38 years, I think I’ve taken three or four afternoon naps. My wheels spin, I can’t calm my brain in enough time, I’m just not a napper. In this pregnancy? I could nap almost any time of day. I often don’t have the time to allow myself that luxury but when I do, I’m out like a light. I’ve gotten up, driven down valley to get groceries and by the time I’m there, I am so wiped out, I do worry I won’t be able to get home. On an inappropriate scale of 1 to 10, how bad is it to curl up at the grocery store for a month nap on a shelf with the large bags of cat food? #noshame
This is actually what the first trimester looks like….
I took a quick photo from my cell phone at a hotel in Seattle. I had my photography class and then my husband and I celebrated our first year anniversary. It was so entirely exhausting, I could barely keep my eyes open. I am soooo lucky to have him. He is super supportive and understanding. He doesn’t judge me or belittle me. He listens, he rubs my twitchy legs, he buys me chips for my nausea, he snuggles…
Also, God bless the internet because I know I am not alone! Care to hear from other women? Be sure to read the comments.
My favorite line is from Pregnant Chicken, “Fatigue is such a lame word. When I hear it I think of a yawn, stretch, and flutter of the eyes. Pregnancy fatigue in the first trimester is a BEAST.” #PREEEAACH
Not to mention that I am a line cook, lots of movement, on my feet. I work in a hot kitchen on packed summer nights. Or I get up early for the breakfast shift which is worse because I haven’t slept due to three trips to the bathroom that night. It’s brutal. Not to mention my other jobs, trips to Seattle, photography class homework, home reno, etc, etc, etc… What’s the lesson here?
If someone you know is pregnant and claims to be tired, believe them. It is waaaaay more than ‘tired.’ Know that it is an exhaustion that makes them feel like they barely exist. Know that it has nothing to do with laziness or exaggeration and support them any way you can.
And pregnant ladies… I SEE YOU. Ask for what you need and F*CKING TAKE IT. When almost one in three pregnancies ends in miscarriage, your biggest concern is taking care of yourself and your baby. And nothing is worth that loss. I know it’s easy to say… But don’t be afraid to disappoint people. SAY NO. The people who care are the ones who deserve your loyalty. Word?
Now, I want to hear from you!!! Tell me your stories… Who’s first?
What was the hardest part about your first trimester? What was brutal? I am hear to listen and would be grateful for your honesty! In my opinion, the truth of the reality we experience only normalizes things in culture and makes us stronger… Thanks for listening. xoxo