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In honor of the Super Bowl, I’d like to take you all to a different kind of ‘sporting event.’  A few weeks ago, Lliam and I had the chance to drive over to Conconully, Washington to attend their infamous annual Outhouse Races.  That’s right, outhouse races. For a quarter of a century, they’ve been putting outhouses on skis and racing them down a slick road.  It’s insaaaanity.

While I tend to think of my life in Mazama as written straight from the pages of Northern Exposure, Conconully really deserves the nod.  Another town of 200, their community is even more remote and woodsy.  We get the Seattle hikers, bikers and rock climbers. They get all of the rural hunters and fishers.  #respect    

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I wrote about my experience in The Methow Valley News as part of my weekly column that you can read here, but I wanted to relive the nail biting, hilarious glory through photos that paint a better picture. 

For starters, this is ‘Solo Cup.’  Solo Cup has performed previously in Conconully.  Many of the teams come back year after year for continual glory. Who wouldn’t?!

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This collection of yahoos called their outhouse ‘Skidmark,’ a bold yet simple design that ‘left a mark’ on the attending public.  

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When we arrived, we heard the announcer’s voice booming through the streets, “Up next, the Krap-a-nator and Hooooooly Crapper!”  He also calls for the Omak Stampede so this shiz is LEGIT. 

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Each team heads up to the starting line…  There is a rider inside and two pushers that run down the raceway.  And there are a series of races!  Or heats, or… you know, I’m not really certain their is a ‘technical term’ for any of this.  

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 The Carlton Stoolbus.  LOVE IT!!!
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This outhouse was designed by Beneficial In Home Care. Looks like old folks to me! 

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There is a heat for men, women, children, teens, family and seniors.  Pictured here is ‘Daisy Deuce.’ Where ma ladies at?  On the shitter… 

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The ‘Holy Crapper’ in action.  It was a brutally cold day out and yet the streets were lined with families enjoying this wondrous, nonsensical frivolity.  I think I was out of my body most of the day.  I couldn’t believe this was real!  It was like a confusing dream… I mean, there’s skiing and shitting. This takes multitasking to a whole new level!
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Look at his guy… There’s so much joy to be found in poop!  Who knew?!

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These are folks from The Sage Shop, Omak’s premiere retailer of hash.   And by ‘premiere’ I mean, probably the only one. 

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Carlton Stool Bus won People’s Choice for their outhouse. Can you blame them?  Look how happy their little pooper is in the window!!!

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The day was ridden with good clean family poop jokes.  There was an outhouse from The Omak Chronicle there, “flushing out the news since 1889.”  When I tried to joke about starting a group from our paper called The Methow Valley NewsPooper, my editor deleted it from my column. I have no idea why.  This is serious business. 

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American patriotism!!  I think these ladies were my favorite actually.

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You don’t want to disappoint Uncle Sam!

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So, this is when shit gets REAL.  After all the heats, there is also THE BUCKET RACE.  

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The pushers literally put a bucket on their head and race down the road with only the voice of the rider to guide them. THEY WEAR BUCKETS AND RACE.  THEY ARE BLIND.  RUNNING DOWN ICE.  

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Hay bales were obliterated, fences knocked down… Outhouses flipped over.  It was dangerous and painful.  Lliam could NOT stop laughing.  

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The final race of the day is the Obstacle Race.  The hay bales are lined up like a barrier across the road.  The team has to race to each line of hay bales, pick up their outhouse and carry it to the other side and continue racing.  Many totally CHEATED and just plowed through the bales unable to slow down.  I’m still angry at this unsportsmanlike conduct. 

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Miss Omak Stampede , Michaela Allen, was there to hand out prizes!  If you won that day you got a little wooden outhouse.  That is what you won. Huge honor. 

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This was the rider for the Beneficial In Home Care.  She even stuffed the junk in her trunk. She was AWESOME!  

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Anyway, folks, if you ever find yourself in Washington next January, Conconully’s shit show is where it’s at! You won’t want to miss it!  It really is the absolute BEST of small town fun!!! We had a blast.  🙂

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